Here I am. June of 2023. I'm back here because I'm on my new career (freelance copywriting), and want to practice writing again. Going through old posts has me wondering, "Why did I stop? These are funny and good and I'm so glad I wrote them!" The first question is answered simply: I didn't think I was any good. In fact, I thought I was no good. I didn't get comments or views, which meant "failure" in my mind. And to be honest, I think I was doing it more to be seen by others than for myself. I'm back because I now see success and failure different. I see success as continuing with hobbies and interests I love. This blog seems like a good place to think and write, which I love to do. And because I'm now doing it for me, who cares who sees it / doesn't see it? I read a post from 2012 that made me laugh so hard today...11 years later. Maybe that crap I'm going through today will make me laugh in another 11 years. So, going to write again. Also, I'm a writing addict--I have multiple journals going at once, and write on any paper in any meeting, in every margin of every book. But I like how the blog gives space to write while working on some "polish" to that writing. And hopefully that will help give a place to write while I'm figuring out the new job. The paying job. Which is different than my other job: being a mom. Which is what I'll mostly stick to writing here.
So, I'll write about what I saw yesterday. I took the kiddos on a hike to Waterfall Canyon. It was our first hike of the year, and we've sadly missed the lime-green on leaves that happens earlier in the spring. We waited because of the deep snowpack this year--and apparently we didn't wait long enough. We made it about one-third up the actual canyon before we got to a spot where the trail was literally covered by a river. Yes, a river. It was at least 2 feet in places. We saw some adults forging through, but my thoughts were primarily to keep my kids safe and happy. Noel (the un-enthusiastic hiker) was actually having a good time, and I want to keep that going for the rest of the year. Juliet wanted to keep going, because she will try anything. A little scary, actually. Chaim was totally willing and ready to be brave, but he would be up to his waist in that fast and frigid water, fighting an incredibly strong current. So, we turned around. The cool thing? No one had a tantrum or complained--they simply understood why we needed to turn around. And so we hiked back down and had a great time. We ate apples and granola bars on the side of the trail sitting on dirt instead of at the beautiful waterfall, and it was great. They laughed and sang and teased each other. On the walk back down, there was a moment where Juliet reached out and held Chaim's hand, and kept holding it for several moments. He loved it. I loved it. I had thought that reaching the waterfall would be the climax of the hike, but that moment was the climax. It made my heart swell bigger than seeing the cascading waterfall that I love to see. That feeling where my heart just feels full and bursting. So. Darn. Good. And especially good because I struggle with being a mom and figuring out all the "stuff"--but that moment made me feel like I had gotten one thing right. My kids love each other. All the other "stuff" became just that: stuff.
Post Note I just want to remember:
On the hike, I will often reach out and grab a branch or tree trunk to help pull me up (yes, I'm that 43-year-old mom that struggles with climbing over rocks and my kids laugh at me). Anyway, the feel of the tree that has been grabbed thousands of times over the decades is smooth and worn and easy to grab. The rough bark that usually covers the wood has worn down, and it's this amazing texture. I love that so many people have used it that it's changed the composite of the branch or tree--but that the tree can still grow AND help people on their journey. There's something there that I'd love to write about and explore more.
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