I've been plugging through my course, sitting down every day at my desk and doing the work. I've printed the handouts and created a folder, and checked out books from the library to read from the suggested book list. I'm watching videos and taking notes and actually enjoying the material. But I'm still feeling overwhelmed...while also going as slow as molasses through the course (or so it seems...maybe I'm just dealing with the fact that I'm at the beginning, instead of at the end of my last job where I knew all the info and was the in-house resident expert on college admissions). Not to sugarcoat it though--they said I was the expert, and then treated me like crap and second-guessed me and micro-managed me and talked behind me. So even though I knew my stuff, it's so awesome to not be there anymore. But that means, I'm beginning again. And I'm beginning in a sector that I never thought I'd be in: sales. Business and Marketing and Sales. I always saw myself in the Humanities + Education world, and now I'm here: learning about principles of persuasion and calling to action and closing the deal. I keep hearing references about building a website and contacting clients...which I just think "I'll figure it out" while in my soul I'm like, "you mean...I have to do that?!" Oh my goodness--it's kind of a battle between my head and heart, and today it's a lot. Which is why I'm here...writing this and putting off the assignment. But maybe if I write here, clear up the brain, I actually CAN do the work.
I keep reminding myself of all the things I've told students the last decade: it's all about frequency and duration. Students need to be frequent in sitting down daily to do the work, and plan at least 1 hour for the tasks that they just don't want to do. I would always, always remind them that the first 15 minutes of any assignment / application / essay writing was painful. It would be hard. It would suck. There was no way around it, and it didn't mean they were doing anything wrong--it meant they were starting a hard task, and the only way through was simply through. It would be easy to take a break, and think I'll come back tomorrow. Easy to just stay on the surface part of knowledge and learning. Basically the first 15 minutes is about getting the brain to go DEEP and force it to do some deep work for the next 45 minutes. I've been preaching this for years, and I believe it. Absolutely. I've had students in my office who practice this, and the results are phenomenal. And now...I'm the other student.
Which student? You ask.
The other student. The one who says, "let's skip this assignment and get to the real work...I'll be able to do the work when I get there. I feel a bit of envy for one writer that has great voice and writing and seems to be the perfect copywriter, and I'm over here like, "Um...this is hard. Do I have to do it?!" Ugh...I hate that I'm the other student.
I did the morning mantra and I've created the workspace. And landed here. To write. To write and get it all out. I think I'm struggling with the copy because there are rules and guidelines that I need to remember and use, and I can't. Is this what it's like to be back in 9th grade, when they're telling me to write a 5-paragraph essay, and it feels so forced and contrived and hard? Probably. It's been a minute since I was there. Okay...it's been more than a minute. It's been THIRTY YEARS. Thirty years since I was at the beginning...the real beginning of an educational path. And now, I'm here again. I remember thinking through this when I signed up for the course--how I was a good student, enjoyed learning, and I could do this. I had done it with teaching, and I did it with college admissions--I knew next to nothing about college (except I had attended), and suddenly I was advising students on college admissions. Well...same thing here. The only thing I know about sales is that I have low sales-resistance. Like...I'm the worst. Or the best target for a salesman / sales pitch / sales promotion. And now I'm studying it. So. Darn. Funny. Today it seems funny.
Funny enough that my brain is loosening up and I'm going to go back to the assignment and hammer it out. The first 15 minutes is over, and I'm still here. My phone is not visible, so I'm not going to be disturbed I'm going to practice the frequency + duration for myself, and I bet it will even work (darn my own good advice!) Because when you're that type of student, you need some good pep-talks and free-writing sessions to get in gear!
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